In prison, do not reveal your sadness or express your despair to anyone. Do not display any sign of depression or panic about your dilemma; appear calm and resigned to your situation. If you have to cry, and you probably will, cry in the bathroom. If the police perceive you as being extremely depressed and desperate, they will suspect that you may try to escape.
I faced a particularly difficult moment in this regard.
Prior to my first sentencing, the judge ordered me to be taken for a psychological examination to determine my sanity.
I was admitted into a mental hospital for 5 weeks during which I was under continuous monitoring. Any emotional outburst or sign of psychological instability would be interpreted as a symptom of madness.
If I had been classified as insane, yes, I could have potentially evaded the death penalty, but I would have been sentenced to life in prison. It was important to me throughout the trial to prove that I was not only sane, but that I was right for what I did. I believed that as long as I held on firmly to the truth, Allah would rescue me from this disaster.
So, despite being surrounded by mental patients screaming and sobbing 24 hours a day, being imprisoned and facing the death penalty, separated from my family, and treated like a vicious criminal with two or three guards assigned to escort me at all times; I had to appear calm and composed.
One night I was called to the office at the hospital to receive a phone call. We were not actually allowed to receive phone calls, so it was rather strange. To my surprise, it was my mother.
She told me that my father died.
Of course, I was being watched while on the phone, both by guards and nurses, so I had to maintain a neutral facial expression and conceal my shock.
I knew that if I became emotional, it would be registered against me, and that if I revealed the news, I would likely be handcuffed to the bed in my room because the guards would feel a heightened risk that I might try to escape.
So I suppressed my emotions completely and mourned for my father behind a calm face when I was being interviewed by a panel of doctors the next day, who ultimately confirmed my sanity.
#دروس_المعتقل
#Prison_Lessons